


Under the Desert Sky

by ThereBeWhalesHere



Series: Stories about Shine [9]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Canon LGBTQ Male Character, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, LGBTQ Jewish Character(s), Love Confessions, M/M, Men Crying, Road Trips, Smut, ValenShine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:41:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23058658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThereBeWhalesHere/pseuds/ThereBeWhalesHere
Summary: A spontaneous, 40-hour road trip leads to the best sex of Shine's life, and a couple lovely realizations. One of which being: He really,reallylikes this guy.This is part of my ongoing seriesStories about Shineand specifically mentions (in passing) the events ofThe Interview. You don't really need to have read the others to understand this one!
Relationships: Original Male Character/Original Male Character
Series: Stories about Shine [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1165463
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	Under the Desert Sky

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of our favorite happy thoughts with these boys :D I hope you like it! Consider following me [on Twitter](twitter.com/admiralliss) (if you aren't already, seeing as I think like eight of you are the only people who read these ahahaha) for occasional Shine facts, and a lot of screaming about video games and Star Trek.
> 
> Thanks as always to my [AMAZING wife](twitter.com/waltzrio), who helps me with Valen's dialogue because she's a gem of a human being. Valen belongs to her!
> 
> Thank you for reading!!!!

With his face tucked into Valen’s neck, Shine’s hands roamed up and down that firm back, tugging up Valen’s shirt to graze against his skin -- already hotter than usual. Of course, it didn’t take much to get Valen flustered, and Shine’s single goal in this moment was absolutely to get Valen flustered.

Against him, Valen shuddered as Shine licked a stripe from the base of his neck to the hollow below his ear. “C’mon, big guy,” Shine whispered, a hand coming to the waistband of Valen’s pants and pulling him close, though he had Valen pressed up against the wall of the hallway, so it wasn’t like they’d be getting much closer than this. “We  _ never _ fuck at your place.” He nipped Valen’s earlobe, then soothed it with a kiss. 

“Aye, there’s good reason for that,” Valen said, though the bulge in his pants was enough evidence that his reasons were rapidly deteriorating. Whatever the hell those reasons could be. Even though Valen hated Shine’s apartment, they had only ever fucked in Shine’s bed. Or on his couch, or that one time in the kitchen that had left Shine limp -- satisfied as much by the fucking as he was to do it someplace  _ new _ . He was an adventurous guy, after all. Valen? Well, he was getting there. It had taken nine months to get to this point, where they could make out recklessly in the hallway of Valen’s apartment above the furniture studio.

“What reason?” Shine purred, pulling away just enough to kiss along Valen’s jaw. Valen placed his hands on Shine’s hips, pushing him back just a little, as if the friction between them was a bit too much.

“Reasons,” he said evasively, and Shine finally pulled back, looking him in the eye while he squeezed at the hard slopes of Valen’s sides.

“C’mon, what are you worried about? You think it smells bad? You was worried about that when I slept over here that one time and I didn’t even notice. I  _ like _ the way you smell.” He punctuated this with another dive into the crook of Valen’s neck, inhaling him while he nipped along Valen’s collar.

“ _ Oh _ ,” Valen whimpered. Then, with much more conviction, “ _ Oh _ , no you don’t.” He took Shine by the waist once more and pushed him back.

Shine raised an eyebrow. “What’s going on, big guy?” he asked, glancing around. “You worried someone’s gonna come in? Studio’s closed.”

“It’s not that.”

“Okay, I’m _ litera _ lly out of reasons -- what’s got you hung up?”

Valen glanced away, almost sheepish, in the direction of his bedroom. The door was cracked, and in the dark room beyond Shine could make out the edge of Valen’s bed. He’d stayed the night before, the weekend Harry had died, though he and Valen hadn’t yet started fucking back then. It wasn’t exactly a comfortable mattress, but all that really mattered was that Valen would be in it. And Shine would be in it. At the moment, all that really mattered was that Valen got in  _ him _ , as soon as humanly possible. He wasn’t going to have Valen drive them all the way across town back to Shine’s apartment just so they could get it on.

“It’s -- well, it’s the memories, isn’t it?” Valen asked, and Shine held his eyes.

“I’m sorry, the what?”

“You know,” Valen said. “How I’m always talking about furniture holding onto memories -- bein’ where you  _ make _ memories. If we have sex in that bed --” he jabbed a finger in the direction of his bedroom. “I’m going to remember that for the rest of my life.”

“Good!” Shine said, pressing up against him once more, his arms coming around Valen’s neck and tangling in his hair. “ I’ll give you something to remember, alright.” He rolled his hips, ground them against Valen’s groin, and Valen let out a choked kind of noise.

“No, that’s what I’m worried about!” he said. “If you ever break up with me, I’ll never be able to sleep in that bed again.”

Shine pulled back in earnest this time, though he left his hands on Valen’s shoulders. The idea that he might even _ consider _ breaking up with Valen would have been laughable if Valen didn’t look so sincere.

“Why the hell would I do that? In case you ain't noticed, I'm a little obsessed with you and all.”

“It doesn’t matter  _ why _ ,” Valen protested, though Shine wanted to counter that, yes, it absolutely mattered why. “The point is  _ if _ you do. I’d have to, I don’t know, drive that mattress out to the Nevada desert and set it on fire. Then get a new mattress I could curl up and die on.”

“You’d drive all the way to Nevada just to burn the mattress we fucked on?”

“If I had to,” Valen said, and he looked uncomfortable, nervous. “I don’t think I could bear to look at it.”

Shine glanced into the room, then back to his boyfriend, knowing Valen may be annoyed by the bemused little smile he wore, even while Valen looked wholly serious. But this was such a  _ Valen _ thing to be worried about. If he could, he’d reassure Valen with effusive praise right now, promise him that he loved him more in this moment than he ever had. But that wasn’t a great surprise. Shine loved him more every second they were together. And, like many moments, he wished he could say it. But he was still waiting, hoping Valen might say it first.

It was obvious Valen felt it too, especially when he said shit like this.

“You know,” Shine mused. “That ain’t such a bad idea.”

“Curling up and dying?” Valen asked, and Shine laughed, ducking his head against Valen’s broad chest. 

“No, you goon. I’m talkin’ Nevada. If -- you know, if you’re really worried about it. You and me could load that mattress in your truck and drive out to the desert, yeah? You could fuck my brains out on it, then you and me could burn it together. That way you wouldn’t have nothin’ to worry about. Not that you do anyway, but I know you’re gonna think about it no matter what, yeah? Whaddya say?”

Valen stared at him, unblinking for a moment before his eyes narrowed. “You really want to drive god knows how many hours to the middle of the desert. So the two of us can burn my mattress.”

“And fuck,” Shine said, laying his hands on Valen’s chest. “And we’ll fuck, right?”

“Is --” Valen stared at him. “Is that what we’re doing? You’re sounding like we’ve made a plan, Shine.”

Shine’s grin spread wide over his face. “I ain’t got nothin’ to do ‘til Monday. How about you, big guy?”

Somewhere in Valen’s expression, Shine saw an emotion that he knew his own face conveyed often enough. And, though he hoped someday Valen might actually say the words, Shine could recognize love when he saw it.

“You’re mad,” Valen said.

“I ain’t,” Shine complained, running his hands up Valen’s chest. “I think it’d be fun, wouldn’t it? We ain’t been on a road trip before, you and me.”

“Do you know how far away Nevada is from New York City?” 

Shine considered that. He’d been on tour all over the country, but hadn’t paid much attention to distance. “Fuck, who cares,” he said, patting Valen’s cheek. “I’ll pay for gas or whatever, if you’re worried.”

“Not about that,” Valen said evasively, but his hand came up to Shine’s hip, thumb stroking his side, and Shine grinned. That felt like he might have won.

“C’mon,” Shine wheedled, plastering himself up against his boyfriend once more, curling his fingers through Valen’s hair. It had fallen out of its tie, and now tumbled down to Valen’s shoulders beautiful and wild. “You don’t make no secret you hate the city. Don’t you wanna drive us out to the middle of nowhere? Fuck me under the stars?”

A beat of silence passed. Valen swallowed hard. Behind his eyes, a whole slideshow of indecision flickered past, but Shine didn’t fail to notice -- close as they were -- that Valen was still hard.  _ Nothing _ turned him on like the idea of camping.

“Alright,” Valen said eventually. Only the clench of his fingers in Shine’s shirt suggesting any nerves or uncertainty. “Alright. Might, ah, need your help with the mattress.”

Shine’s smile bloomed wide and he leaned up, taking Valen’s lips in a delighted kiss. This wasn’t how he’d planned to spend the night -- or the next however many hours it took to drive to the desert -- but he couldn’t think of anything better in the world to do with his time.

* * *

“I can’t believe we fuckin’ did this,” Shine said, staring out over the sand and scrub brush. The sun had only just set a few minutes ago, sinking beneath a deep violet sky into a horizon as flat as anything Shine had ever seen. No sign of civilization for miles -- they’d left the road behind more than an hour ago -- except for brush and cacti and a thousand terrifying insects and arachnids and abominations. But Shine comforted himself by remembering that, at least, they wouldn’t be sleeping on the ground tonight.

Behind him, Valen released the tailgate of his truck with a few loud clunks, and pulled the tarp back. His old mattress -- still fully dressed in its sheets -- lay perfectly in the center of the truck’s bed where they’d tossed it two nights ago. Shine turned to him and smiled. “Can  _ you _ believe we did this?”

Valen tucked the fitted sheet, a little jostled from their journey, back under its corners. “I’ve had a good forty hours drivin’ to get used to the idea,” he said. Shine approached, bringing his hand to the small of Valen’s back and coaxing Valen to turn around. He towered over Shine, big and imposing at first sight, but the gentlest giant Shine had ever met. Overcome, just a little, by the gleam of Valen’s eyes in the dying desert light, Shine leaned up and cupped Valen’s cheek, guiding him down for a kiss. 

Valen pulled him close by the waist, holding Shine steady as Shine balanced on his toes, sinking against Valen’s chest as he licked between Valen’s lips and made a little noise into Valen’s mouth. A whimper of happiness too big for words. Shine had written a thousand songs about love and loss and sex and everything in between, but he couldn’t put a word to this. Couldn’t put a tune to it, either. This went beyond  _ anything _ he knew. He’d never done anything like this with a lover before, and looking back Shine wasn’t sure he even would have wanted to. Jade would have been a nightmare on a road trip. Sandy had hated spontaneity. Josh couldn’t spend more than ten minutes with Shine unless they were fucking.

But Valen? Valen had driven them all the way here, singing tunelessly to the radio, chatting and laughing with Shine the whole way, and now they were here together. And Shine loved him.

Pulling away from their kiss, Shine brought his hands to Valen’s stomach, squeezing slightly before roaming up his chest. “This is way more fun than that motel last night. We makin’ a campfire first?” he asked. “Or are you gonna go hunting for our dinner like some kinda sexy Irish caveman?”

Valen snorted. “If you wanted me to go huntin’ for dinner, you shouldn’t’ve insisted we stop at that Golden Corral.”

“Hey,” Shine whapped Valen on his chest with the back of his hand. “I was givin’ you a lesson in Americana, Mister. But you’re right I ain’t exactly hungry. I just wanna see you in your element, all feral and shit.” 

Valen’s indulgent look went straight to Shine’s heart. “I might track down a hare or something in the morning,” he conceded. “Cook us a nice hearty breakfast. But, you know...” He glanced past Shine to the desert at large, and his eyes scanned the horizon. “For now I think the campfire can wait, don’t you?”

Valen’s eyes returned to Shine’s, a smile crinkling their corners. But Shine didn’t even have time to return that smile before Valen bent his knees, got his arms under Shine’s ass, and lifted him skyward. Shine squealed like a child, kicking out his legs, while Valen held him effortlessly in those strong arms. “I think I’d rather like to see you stretched out under those stars.”

Shine planted his hands on Valen’s shoulders, looking down into those bright green eyes. “Well then what’re you waiting for, big guy?” he asked, voice low.

Valen smiled, and without even a grunt of effort, he tossed Shine like a shot put into the bed of the truck, square in the middle of the mattress. As Shine bounced and laughed and settled into place, Valen hefted himself into the truck, the whole thing creaking with his weight.

The mattress dipped as Valen crawled forward, and by the time he rested his hands on Shine’s ankles and began to run his hands up Shine’s legs, Shine was already peeling off his own shirt. Valen moved over him, urging Shine back, and Shine recognized a very clear and obvious sting of arousal already shooting through him, staring up at Valen’s smile in the growing twilight. It only got worse when Valen tucked his head against Shine’s chest and began to lay a line of kisses upward to his neck. Baring himself to the attention, Shine thought he could die happy right here, with that big hand running up his bare torso, that big body pressing down against him, that big man he loved hovering over him. And the stars beginning to blink up above them, and the desert, and this damn bed they’d be burning before they made their way home.

Valen nuzzled into Shine’s neck as Shine’s hands found the hem of Valen’s shirt. “You ain’t too tired for this are ya?” Shine asked a little breathlessly, though Valen wasn’t showing a hint of that last twenty-hour drive. His hands were climbing Shine’s chest now, running over his bare skin and raising goosebumps in the chill night air.

“Not on your life,” Valen replied, hot breath on Shine’s neck, laying kisses in a trail up to his jaw. Shine whimpered against his ear, and Valen leaned up, claiming his lips in a searing kiss. Without wasting a moment licking into Valen’s mouth, Shine lifted his hips against the body above him, tugged Valen’s shirt up his broad back and up his shoulders. He wanted to let Valen know he was hungry for him, so used to Valen’s insecurities making him hesitant.

But he sure as hell wasn’t hesitant right now. They kissed there under the starlight, Shine curling his fingers hard into Valen’s shirt, Valen finding Shine’s nipples and rolling them between his strong fingers. Shine hissed, breaking their kiss. “Get this off,” he whispered against Valen’s lips, though he could be loud here if he wanted. Open air blew against them, stars shining bright above, but this somehow felt more private, more intimate than fucking behind the closed door of Shine’s bedroom. Miles of nothing separated them from the next sign of life.

Valen pulled away and leaned up, tugging the shirt from his back and tossing it off to the side. As he sank back in, Shine ran his hands up Valen’s chest, tangling in the hair and tugging Valen down. They kissed again, deeper than before, Valen releasing little truncated sounds into Shine’s mouth as he rolled against him, as Shine’s hands trailed lines up Valen’s chest to his neck. 

But they were still half-clothed, and Shine hadn’t spent 40 hours in a car over the last two days just to come in his jeans. He made a little noise into Valen’s mouth, pulling him away. Their eyes met, and Shine traced his eyes down Valen’s face, his lips shining in the starlight. Thumbing at their corner, Shine smiled. That was all the permission Valen needed, it seemed.

Disrobing the rest of the way was a fast affair, Valen tugging off Shine’s shoes and pants like a magician pulling a cloth off a table, Shine’s hands flying to Valen’s belt to get it unbuckled, distracted only for a moment by Valen taking his lips one more time as they kissed and Shine’s hands found the hard rocks of Valen’s ass. Shine would’ve been happy for Valen to fuck him like that, belt around his knees, but Valen pulled back and kicked out of his own jeans, returning to Shine as quickly as he could. He practically shoved Shine back on the mattress as their lips met again, and Shine let out a little whimper at the restrained strength in the movement, the muscles tensing in Valen’s thighs as he straddled Shine’s hips and finally pressed his cock up against him. 

Shine pulled off Valen’s lips to trace kisses down his jaw and neck, one hand firm in his hair to hold back his head. His breath -- both of their breath -- came out in spurts, excitement, anticipation, unrestrained joy. Valen was already mostly hard, and Shine wondered if, like himself, Valen had been thinking about this the whole drive. They’d fucked at the motel last night, but it had been lazy, slow, tired from too much time in the car. But the way they were grasping at each other’s bare skin, almost painfully, it was as though they’d gone  _ weeks _ without.

One of Valen’s hands left his chest, and Shine pulled back to see Valen reaching for his bag, tugging it toward them by the strap. “Eager, big guy?” Shine asked, and Valen gave him a sideways smile as he fished inside. 

“As far as I can tell you aren’t much one to talk,” Valen replied, nodding to Shine’s cock, already at a firm stand. Shine laughed as Valen pulled from the bag a condom and their tube of lube, tossing them over toward Shine and returning to him in short order.

The moment Valen returned to him, balancing on his knees, Shine reached out and took Valen’s cock in his hand, giving it a hard stroke and smiling up at Valen’s face. “You know all you gotta do to get me hard is look at me sideways,” Shine said, dragging his thumb along Valen’s length. Valen let out a choked kind of laugh. 

“Insatiable, you are,” he muttered, flushing.

Grin widening, Shine sat up, pushing Valen back on his heels as he settled in Valen’s lap. He wrapped his arms around Valen’s shoulders, pressing up against him. Unable to resist those lips, Shine sank forward, groaning softly into their kiss at the pressure on his cock between their stomachs. Distracted as he was devouring Valen’s eager mouth, he didn’t notice as Valen reached behind him to find the bottle on the bed -- not until the bottle cap popped and, soon, he felt Valen’s slick fingers tracing the cleft of his ass. 

Shine shuddered, breaking the kiss and dropping his head to Valen’s chest. “Oh, please, big guy,” he said, rocking back to feel those fingers gently teasing his hole. “You know you don’t gotta be so careful.”

“Yes I do,” Valen whispered, and he placed a kiss to the crown of Shine’s head.

In that moment, Shine was glad Valen couldn’t see his face. He screwed his eyes shut, clung to Valen just a little tighter. So few people ever treated Shine gently.

But with Shine’s permission, and his obvious impatience, Valen at least wasn’t going to tease him for long. Soon, he slid a single finger inside him, rotating it to stroke Shine’s walls. Shine’s whole body tensed for the briefest moment before he melted against Valen’s body, grateful that Valen’s other hand had him at the small of the back, holding him tight. “Fuuuck,” Shine said softly, finding Valen’s collarbone with his teeth -- the closest stretch of skin. He nipped at it gently as Valen began to move in and out, stretching him slowly and methodically, practiced movements each engineered to make sparks shoot up the knots of Shine’s spine.

Valen worked him open as they moved together, Shine rolling his hips, pushing himself back on Valen’s fingers and forward against the hard plane of Valen’s stomach. That pleasant burn already began to tear through his gut, the warm hum of pleasure rippling out across every nerve as Valen stroked him. “You sure are quiet,” Shine said a little strained, his hands stroking Valen’s shoulders. “You okay?”

Humming into Shine’s hair, Valen nuzzled him softly, sweetly. “I’m in the middle of the desert with you, about to make love to you under the stars,” he replied, curling his fingers and teasing that delicious spot that made Shine’s body seize up in pleasure. Shine whimpered, clutching Valen tighter to him. “Don’t know what else there is to say. Thought I might let my body do the talking for me.” 

“Yes  _ please _ ,” Shine said, his voice wavering, and Valen let out a little chuckle. He pulled out, and Shine squeezed his shoulders harder. “You gonna fuck me now, big guy?” He asked, a hand threading in Valen’s hair to pull him back so he could look into his eyes. “You got no idea how ready I am for it. I want you to fuck me ‘til I’m screaming. Ain’t nobody around for miles who’s gonna hear us.”

Valen leaned in, pressed a soft, chaste kiss to Shine’s lips. Then, in a whisper, “Shush, Shine. Just enjoy this.” 

“Shush?” Shine asked, pulling back. “You just shush me while I’m tryin’ to talk dirty?”

Valen smiled. “Would you rather I gag you?”

“ _ Yes _ ,” Shine said immediately, and Valen laughed, ducking to press a sweet kiss to Shine’s shoulder. 

“Not tonight. For once in your life, Shine, please shush up.” 

With that, he reached down to the mattress and took up the condom, pinching it between his fingers and handing it to Shine. 

“Have it your way, then,” Shine said, taking it from him and sliding off Valen’s lap. “Lips’re sealed.” He held the condom up to his lips and kissed it, as if sealing a promise, and Valen’s little smile grew. 

Shine couldn’t help returning it, ripping open the package and bringing his hands to Valen’s cock. He stroked it a few times, getting his fingers around that girth. He _ wanted  _ to talk. He wanted to fill the incredible, yawning silence of the empty space and the breadth of stars above them. But Valen was staring at him gently, his chest rising and falling with heavy breath, and Shine figured if Valen could let his body do the talking after only months of learning its language, Shine could do it after years. 

So he leaned forward and kissed Valen again, nibbled Valen’s lip, licked behind his teeth, forced everything into that kiss. Every desire he’d usually give voice to. He wanted Valen to _ fuck _ him, to shove him down and have his way, but he wanted his way with Valen, too. As they kissed, he rolled the condom down Valen’s cock, anticipation coursing through his veins like electricity.

Open, ready, Shine climbed back into Valen’s lap, one hand coming to grip Valen’s hair, the other lining up his cock with his entrance. Normally, this is where Valen would ask if he was ready, if he was sure. Normally this is where Valen might express worry at the idea of hurting him, and Shine would soothe him with the assurance that he loved the burn when they fucked just a little too soon. But they didn’t speak as Shine sank down, his lip between his teeth. Valen’s sharp inhale made him shiver, as did those hands -- those steady hands coming up his back to hold him. 

Shine’s own hands found Valen’s shoulders as Shine settled himself on his knees, adjusting to the hot, tight stretch and that cock shoved so deep inside him he thought there was no way he could take another inch. But he thought that every time they fucked, and Shine could always take him. With a choked sigh of relief, Shine stilled, adjusting to the feeling of Valen buried to the root inside him.

Valen brought a hand to Shine’s cheek and guided up his chin, meeting his eyes. There was a hint in there, and Shine took it without a second thought, returning to his mouth, kissing him hard as he clenched tight around him, making Valen gasp. Oh, but Shine loved that sound. Emboldened by it, Shine rolled his hips, relishing the friction inside him, the  _ pressure _ . He felt like he could burst. 

With the sleight weight of his body, he sank against Valen, coaxing him backwards as they fell together to the mattress. Valen’s hips bucked up to keep himself buried, and Shine bit his bottom lip, pulling back. He wondered as he rose to his knees and began to rise and fall on the hot, slick shaft of Valen’s cock what Valen saw as he looked up to him, his eyes fixed on Shine’s. Did he even notice the sparkling backdrop of stars? Did he see the streaks of clouds passing like gauze over the rising moon? Or, like Shine, was he transfixed by the silence between them? Tied up in the movement of their bodies -- together as if coordinated, or instinctual. 

Shine planted his hands on Valen’s chest, fingers clenching against the skin, while he began to pick up his rhythm. Valen, stroking Shine’s thigh with one hand, brought his other to Shine’s cock, taking him in-hand. That hard, rough hand, still sick with lube, grip tightening in time to the roll of Shine’s hips. 

The only sound between them was breath, coming out hot and heavy as Shine’ grunted with exertion, pleasure. Valen’s cock felt massive inside him and so fucking thick it stroked his sweet spot on every single roll without either of them even  _ trying _ for a good angle. Shine wished Valen had realized back when he’d been so nervous about learning the instinctive skill of sex. As far as Shine was concerned, with a cock like this it was impossible for Valen to be  _ bad _ at it. But, of course, he was biased.

Valen seemed to be restraining himself as Shine rode him, holding back from bucking up into him, letting Shine take control for now. But Shine could tell by the fire in Valen’s eyes, the sheen of sweat beginning to gleam on Valen’s brow, that he wouldn’t be in control for long. Valen was panting, his chest rising and falling rapidly under Shine’s hands. Shine wanted to challenge him, ask him when he was going to flip Shine over and take him like Shine knew he wanted, but Shine bit his lip to keep from speaking. Valen seemed to understand. 

He gripped Shine’s cock tight, twisted his hand, and Shine let out a surprised, choked groan, doubling over a little as his hips stuttered. Taking the opportunity, Valen rose up on his hand and brought his lips to Shine’s open mouth, licking into him and forcing Shine’s lips to form the shape of a kiss. Hands winding into Valen’s hair, Shine held him there, picking up the pace as they kissed desperately. Valen did buck his hips now, meeting Shine on every roll, and hot strokes of pleasure reverberated through his body, every nerve on fire everywhere they made contact.

He hardly noticed when Valen began to tip them backwards, distracted by the heat of friction between them. But when Valen released his cock to plant a hand on the mattress, rolling them so Shine lay beneath him, Shine’s eyes flew open, meeting Valen’s -- surprised as much by the initiative as he was by the impact of his back on the mattress. But Valen didn’t let him wallow in shock for long. He leaned in and began to suck at Shine’s neck, pulling out entirely as he got his knees under him. Shine whined -- he could admit it was a whine -- his hands coming to the small of Valen’s back to urge him closer. 

Valen gripped the base of his own cock and guided it inside Shine once more, pushing hard inside him with one snap of his hips. Shine grunted with the impact. That feeling of fullness was back, somehow sweeter after its momentary loss, and Shine clutched Valen tight so he wouldn’t leave him unfulfilled again. He didn’t have to ask Valen to fuck him, didn’t have to  _ tell  _ Valen to fuck him, because Valen began to pump his hips and Shine tossed his head back against the mattress. This angle --

“Fuck,” he breathed, breaking his promise not to speak, but Valen didn’t seem to mind. He smiled against Shine’s skin, his teeth grazing the sensitive vein along Shine’s neck. With each thrust, he seemed to slam into Shine harder, shoving him up the sheets -- well rumpled by now. Shine forced open his eyes, meeting the sight of stars, and looked down the length of Valen’s body -- his long hair tangled where Shine had clenched his fingers, the dip of his back glimmering with tiny beads of sweat, curving each time his hips rolled. 

“Fuck,” Shine said again, bringing a hand to his own cock to grip himself at his base. He didn’t want to come yet, but god he was lost in the feeling of Valen’s hot breath on his neck as he grunted, pulling out fully every time before he shoved back inside. He felt like he was on  _ fire _ . “Valen--”

Valen left a kiss on the juncture of Shine’s jaw and neck and reared up, pulling out of Shine’s grip. Shine almost asked him to come back, almost begged him to, but then Valen’s hands came to Shine’s thighs and lifted him effortlessly, yanking him down the mattress and pulling Shine close. Shine complied with the movement, practically boneless already, and gripped himself tighter when Valen hiked up Shine’s legs, holding them up and exposing his wet hole to Valen’s cock. 

Then, Valen was inside him again, one rough shove that buried him to his hilt, and Shine cried out, curling fingers into the mattress. Valen seemed to clench his teeth against the same sound, exhaling sharply out his nose. Then, fuck, his hips began to move, strong arms holding Shine’s hips aloft as he pounded into him. Each thrust hit Shine in just the right spot, better than simple pressure, like an assault. Heat built to a bonfire in his gut, and he could barely think through the haze. 

Everything was  _ euphoria _ . The static in his limbs, the saliva cooling along his throat, that hard cock fucking so deep into him and Valen’s strong hands holding him tight -- but more than all of that, it was  _ Valen _ , rising above him like a colossus, a shadow in the night dotted by diamonds of sweat, his hair wild where it lay across his forehead, his eyes fixed on Shine’s face. Shine had never seen him like this -- never  _ felt  _ him like this. His quiet, gentle lover, possessing him fully.

Meeting Valen’s eyes, Shine felt totally at Valen’s mercy, vulnerable in a way he’d never been with Valen, at least not like this. Beneath him, the old pickup truck was rocking, its axels creaking. Above him, the entirety of the universe spread out. But everything faded away but the man he loved.

He laid an arm over his eyes, if only so Valen wouldn’t see the gleam of an embarrassing tear in the starlight. “Fuck,” he groaned, finally allowing himself to move the hand he’d settled round the base of his cock, finally stroking himself in time to Valen’s thrusts. “Fuck, Valen --”

A hand left one of Shine’s thighs, and Shine felt it come to his cock, shoving his own out of the way. Then Valen began to stroke him hard, intentional, perfect. Shine was helpless to Valen’s touch, his freed hand returning to the sheets so he could grip them -- keep himself grounded even as he felt like he was levitating. 

He could tell by the rapid pounding of his own heart and the throb of Valen’s pulse that they were both on the edge, and he managed to lower his arm, managed to force open his eyes to see Valen’s face. It was transfixed in pleasure, his lips parted, his eyes open and vulnerable where they met Shine’s. 

And still somehow this just wasn’t close enough.

Shine reached for him, fingertips grasping for even the smallest stretch of skin, and Valen let out a groan that rumbled from somewhere deep in his chest. Hips stuttering, Valen’s back curved; he leaned against Shine’s hand; and he came with the kind of primal growl Shine thought he’d only ever hear in his dreams.

Pleasure tore through him so fast it felt just on the edge of terror, and there in the tightening grip of Valen’s hand with that cock throbbing inside him, Shine came too. The sound he made was a strangled one, somewhere between a wail and a scream as his shoulders pressed back into the mattress, his hips lifting, his back arching, Valen shoving in and out of him as he pulled out the last of his own climax. The breath left Shine’s lungs, and in that white flash of pleasure he saw the stars, and when it faded from his eyes he saw Valen, panting above him, that hard chest heaving.

Trembling, Shine clenched his fingers against Valen’s skin, brought his other hand to Valen’s hand, slicked with Shine’s spend. He laced their fingers and pulled Valen forward, too lost to even know how to ask him to come closer. But Valen responded to the desperate grasping of his hands. Still buried inside him, Valen sank forward and shoved Shine back. His hand trapped Shine’s on the bed beside him. Their lips met, sloppy, graceless, and Shine whimpered into the kiss as he wrapped his legs tight around Valen’s back. 

Waves of pleasure kept washing over him, every time Valen shifted, every time Valen’s tongue brushed against his own or his fingers tightened around Shine’s. Sensitive and overstimulated, Shine could hardly bear the feeling of Valen’s cock still inside of him, but he definitely couldn’t bear the idea of Valen pulling out. So he kept him close, swallowing Valen’s breath and that muggy scent of sweat and sex.

And Shine didn’t realize until a chill breeze blew by that a tear had rolled down into his hair after all, wet and cold and too revealing.

But the position, with Valen on his knees between Shine’s legs, their limbs tangled, Valen’s cock softening inside him -- it couldn’t have been comfortable for the big guy, even if Shine wasn’t complaining. It wasn’t long before Valen pulled out and practically collapsed over Shine, bearing only the barest bit of his considerable weight on his elbows. He broke their kiss to drop his head against Shine’s chest, and Shine gripped his hand tighter, laying a kiss to Valen’s crown.

“Fuck,” he breathed again. Without his express permission, his whole body seemed to go limp, his legs falling to the mattress, his head tilting back against the wrinkle of sheets. The wide open world blurred in his vision, Valen’s lips pressed to his chest, and Shine closed his eyes against the threat of more tears. 

Mind beginning to clear from the rush of his climax, one thought emerged, pounding against Shine’s skull in time with his pulse. He had been lost when it came to Valen for months now, and he’d _ thought _ himself to be past the point of no return.

But, no, this was it. There was no going back from this. They’d driven two days to make love under the stars on a mattress they’d burn as if it might actually erase the memories. But no elemental force on Earth could purge this from Shine’s mind. He’d remember this moment forever -- Valen’s heavy warmth and his eyes in the starlight, his rough hands and tender kiss -- and there was no going back now.

He loved this man with the kind of tenderness and devotion that he’d trained himself to fear. And, maybe, he should have said so right then. But they didn’t speak. Instead, Valen rolled reluctantly off him, flopping over to the side, and they met eyes across the mattress. 

Valen smiled, satisfied and warm and tired, and Shine smiled, too.

* * *

It was the cold that woke Shine, though it wasn’t really  _ that  _ cold. Truth was, they’d fallen asleep without bothering to get dressed, and Valen had been so exhausted -- by the drive as much as the sex -- he’d barely managed to tie off his condom and toss the blanket over them before rolling over and pulling Shine close to him, nuzzling into Shine’s hair and inhaling as if it were the first breath he’d taken in days. Shine, for his part, didn’t think he was capable of moving after a fuck like that. He’d been fucked boneless before, breathless before, but like  _ that _ ? All at once tender and loving and hard and fast and slow and warm and everything Shine never knew he needed. He loved fucking Valen, loved getting fucked by Valen, but he didn’t realize that all these months they’d been together Valen had been  _ holding back _ .

Maybe it was the desert air, Shine thought as he stirred sometime when the moon was high, as he blinked into the dark night speared by points of starlight. Maybe there was something out in nature that brought out this side of his lover. Something primal, animalistic that Valen kept on lockdown the rest of the time. If that were the case, Shine figured he might as well pack up and leave New York City, buy Valen a cabin out in the middle of nowhere where Shine could just wander around naked, ready for Valen’s urges to kick in.

God, that’d be the life.

But maybe it wasn’t anything to do with the desert. Maybe it was to do with  _ Shine _ . Maybe Valen just loved him, and this spontaneous getaway had reminded him why. Shine blinked his eyes open, looked up to Valen’s face, slack-jawed in sleep. 

Shine often woke up to Valen’s sleeping face. There would be nights he’d stir around 2 a.m., restless and ready to purge some energy with his violin in his music room. But then he’d roll over to see that face -- and all that restlessness would ease out of him. He never slept better than the nights Valen stayed the night. 

But usually, of course, Valen was wearing  _ something _ . Not so tonight, where his pale shoulder peeked out from under the blanket, gleaming pure white in the desert moonlight. Shine could admit the sight of it was a little distracting.

Gently, he reached up to tug the blanket down a little, exposing the full curve of Valen’s shoulder, his collar, admiring the slope of skin down to his chest. Hand roaming as he went, he revealed more of that fascinating landscape of Valen’s body, the occasional scar or freckle, the curls of dark red hair under his navel.

Scooching inelegantly down the bed, Shine pulled the blanket back from Valen’s groin, grinning at the sight of his cock. He was so used to seeing it hard, it was kind of pleasant to behold the beast in slumber, a bit like his beau himself. Of course, his immediate instinct was to get it excited again, but he resisted that urge for now, instead settling his cheek against Valen’s hip.

Fingertips tracing little patterns on Valen’s thigh, Shine glanced up to Valen’s face, ensuring he was still asleep. Sure enough, his lover’s chest rose and fell in gentle breaths, calm and relaxed. With a small, devilish grin, Shine brought his hand to Valen’s cock, fingers curling around its base. God, even limp it was thick -- like a goddamn soda can, Shine thought. And -- he lifted it, experimenting with the weight. And it was heavy. No wonder Valen was so buff; he probably got a hell of a workout just lugging this thing around. 

Shine held back a laugh at the thought, forming a fist at Valen’s base and flopping its tip back and forth. His other hand began to stroke and soothe Valen’s thigh, as if he thought that might keep Valen asleep.

“Can I help you, down there?” A sleepy voice muttered, and Shine looked up to Valen, too shameless to bear any guilt for fondling him.

“No, I’m good,” Shine answered, wiggling Valen’s cock as if that might explain what he was doing. “Just havin’ fun.” 

“With my willie,” Valen said, as if trying to wrap his tired brain around it. 

“I have a lot of fun with this willie,” Shine said, the word sounding ridiculous on his own lips. He ran his fist up and down it once or twice, pleased to feel it hardening just a little at his attention. 

“I can see that,” Valen replied. “You sure had fun with it tonight.”

“Yeah, well, I think it had a little bit of fun too, if I ain’t mistakin’.” 

Valen chuckled, his hand coming to rest in Shine’s hair. “And after it did so much for you, you won’t even let it rest,” he said with mock disappointment. Shine ran his fingers gently along its underside, grinning. 

“I can’t help it,” Shine whined. “Look at this thing. It’s  _ beautiful _ . And you know it treats me so good.” He rested his head a little heavier against Valen’s thigh, playing absently with his cock as he stared at it. “I ain’t never felt this way about another dick. Didn’t even know I  _ could _ , you know?  _ This _ is the dick for me. I fucking  _ love  _ this dick.”

A beat of silence passed between them and Valen’s hand stilled on his head. Shine turned, looked up to his lover. Balanced on an elbow, Valen was looking at him, something inexplicable in his eyes.

“Me too,” he said softly. “I’ve loved your dick for a while now. I’ve waited my whole life for a dick like yours.” His voice carried far too much weight for what he’d just said.

Except … that  _ wasn’t _ what he’d just said.

Shine’s eyes widened just as Valen’s did the same, and Valen sat up immediately. 

“Did you just--”

“No,” Valen said. “No, Shine, I refuse.” He seemed wide awake now.

“Refuse what?” Shine asked as he sat up, too, finally releasing Valen’s cock. 

“Oh, don’t you play dumb with me,” Valen said, lifting a finger. “I refuse to let  _ that _ be how we say it.”

A smile spread wide on Shine’s face, his heart leaping. “Say what?” Shine asked, feigning innocence. “C’mon big guy,” he crawled up the bed, his hand coming to rest on Valen’s chest. “What did we just say?”

Valen’s expression was sour, but in the face of Shine’s grin it just seemed silly. “That is  _ not _ how we’re going to say ‘I love you’ for the first fuckin’ time,” Valen said stiffly, and Shine laughed.

“Why not? That was the most beautiful, tender --”

“It’s supposed to be --” Valen’s expression melted into one of near distress. “It’s  _ supposed _ to be romantic!”

“What, that wasn’t romantic? It works for me. Can you think of any other way I coulda told you I loved you aside from in the middle of the Nevada desert in the bed of a truck while I’m fondling your dick?”

“ _ Yes _ !” Valen said emphatically. “Quite a few different ways, I might say! Over a candlelight dinner, after we’ve been talking and -- and laughing for hours. Or during a conversation about our families or something important and heavy and deep --”

Shine blew a raspberry. “That don’t sound like us now, does it?” he asked.

“It sounded like  _ me _ !” Valen said. “What have you done to me, Shine? I used to be -- would you stop fondling me, I’m trying to talk to you.” 

Shine glanced down, realizing only then that his hand had found its way back to Valen’s cock. He pulled back, lifting both his hands in deference, though he couldn’t bring himself to feel contrite.

“You wanted me to shut up earlier,” Shine reminded him. “And now you want me to talk? I’m real confused here, big guy.”

Valen rolled his eyes and fell back on the bed, a hand plastered to his forehead. 

“I don’t get it,” Shine said, crawling forward. “What’s the problem here? Now we’ve said it we can say it whenever we want. Dinners and during deep conversations and all that. I could say it right now, even. I love you. See, ain’t that the greatest thing you ever heard?”

“But, Shine, this was the  _ first _ time,” Valen said. “We can’t change that.”

“If it makes you feel any better,” Shine started, nudging Valen with his knee, “I’ve known a real long time now. You didn’t have to say nothing and I woulda known.”

Valen groaned. “Oh, that makes it worse. All this time, I could’ve taken you out on a boat on a still lake, taken you dancing --”

“You  _ hate _ dancing.”

“Or up to the Empire State Building and told you on top of the world. But no, I just had to play along while you were talking to my willie, of all things.”

Now Shine was the one rolling his eyes. He laid down now, too, perpendicular to Valen so he could rest his head on Valen’s stomach. Moodily, he crossed his arms over his chest. They were quiet for a little while, and Shine wondered how long Valen was going to beat himself up over this, when really it was the happiest Shine had felt in longer than he could remember. Valen thought too much -- about  _ everything _ . Shine didn’t care how it had come out, he just cared that, finally, Valen had said it. He felt like he’d been waiting a thousand years for this moment.

“So, if you could’a told me any other time …” Shine started, turning his head to regard Valen. “When would you have said it? I mean, like, when did you want to? The first time?”

Valen dropped the hand from his face, but he didn’t tilt his head to look at Shine. Instead, he laid a hand on Shine’s arm, thumb stroking him gently. Forgiveness or apology, Shine wasn’t sure.

He stared up at the stars in silent contemplation for a moment, but it was clear he already knew his answer. The cogs working behind his eyes were just working to figure out how to say it.

“That night you came over after Harry died,” Valen answered eventually, and Shine sat up, surprised. He’d been a mess that whole weekend. If anything, he thought Valen would’ve been on the verge of breaking up with him back then.

“What,  _ really _ ?”

“I wanted to say it a thousand times,” Valen said quietly. “As if that would’ve made you feel better. Probably would’ve made it worse, if you hadn’t felt the same. But, of course I felt it long before that. That was just the first time I really wanted to  _ tell _ you.” He lifted himself on his elbow, looking up at Shine. “When were you wanting to say it? The first time.”

Shine took stock of himself, thinking back. The answer was a hundred times in a hundred different places, starting from the coffee shop where they’d had their first real date. He’d looked across the table at this man and realized he was different from anyone Shine had ever met before. And part of him loved Valen even then. 

But it had become real love over time, and Shine sifted through the layers of emotions and memories to think back to when it had cost him all his self-control not to put voice to that vulnerable word that had ruined more relationships than it had ever helped. “That night at the B&B,” he said, and Valen’s eyes widened.

“Shine, we’d barely been dating a month.”

“Pfft! You gotta know you had me head-over-heels for you ages ago. And that night we’d had a real good time. That romantic walk by the river and a good dinner and I cuddled up next to you, and --” he paused, a smile growing on his face. “It was kinda like tonight, wasn’t it? We did something stupid and impulsive just for the fuck of it.” He took Valen’s hand where it rested on the bed. “And yeah, anyway. I could’ve said it then. But you ain’t barely kissed me by then. Would’a been a dumbass to tell you.”

“That was months ago,” Valen said, sitting up and shifting to face Shine fully. “Almost a year. Why haven’t you said it since? You aren’t really the type to --” he lifted his free hand and mimed shoving something down, like putting a lid on a boiling pot. 

Shine let out a little laugh. “You ain’t wrong,” Shine said. “But, listen big guy, you’re a fucking catch, you hear me?” Valen, seemingly surprised, laughed and ducked his head, like he couldn’t believe it. Of course  _ he _ couldn’t. “No, I mean that. You’re a goddamn catch and I could  _ not _ afford to scare you off, let me tell you. Figured I’d wait for you to say it -- safe that way, you know? But I knew you felt it and you knew I did. So that’s why I don’t get why this is such a bad thing, right?”

He gestured between them, then flopped his hand on the mattress, at a loss.

Valen shrugged. “I need to be better than all the boyfriends and girlfriends that have done you wrong. I want everything to be perfect for you, Shine.”

Staring at him, Shine understood the sincerity in those words. He laid his hand on Valen’s thigh and squeezed as Valen looked up to him again. “It was  _ totally _ perfect,” Shine said. “Till you got upset. Now I feel a little bad about telling your dick how I felt, if I’m bein’ honest.”

Valen’s face fell. “Oh sweet mercy, Shine,” he said. “I’ve made it worse. That’s it, get up. I’m burning the mattress now.”

Shine laughed, turning around so he could fling himself on Valen’s lap. “Don’t you dare move,” he said. “I’m sleeping here. We’ll burn it tomorrow, alright? But not ‘cause you made nothin’ worse and not ‘cause I’m planning to break up with you. Just ‘cause that’s what we came here to do. And, hell, it sounds like fun, don’t it?”

He looked up into Valen’s eyes, grinning, and Valen responded with a contrite smile of his own. “Alright, alright,” he said. He stroked Shine’s hair once more, looking into his eyes. And Shine could barely stand it. He loved this man. He loved him so much he thought he might choke on it. He loved him so much, he thought the feeling would bubble up inside him, burst through him, explode him into a thousand shining stars like the ones hanging in the sky above them. And he wouldn’t even  _ mind _ .

The idea that Valen could feel even a fraction of this for  _ Shine _ , of all people … 

Something closed off in his throat, and Shine looked away.  “So, listen,” he muttered, shuffling back up into a sitting position. “You ain’t said it yet. And I know I said I knew and all, and I _do_ , but --”

“Of course I love you,” Valen said. “Get over here.” He held out an arm, an empty space for Shine to fill.

Shine scrambled to answer the invitation, snuggling up next to Valen as they laid back on the bed. He wrapped an arm around Valen’s waist. Tucking his nose into Valen’s chest, he smiled. 

“You know I actually can’t burn this mattress now,” Valen said quietly into Shine’s hair.

“Why the fuck not?”

“It’s the place we first said ‘I love you.’ That’s important, isn’t it? Though it didn’t quite go as I’d hoped so maybe it’s for the best.”

Shine laughed, holding him tighter. “We’d _ better  _ torch this thing tomorrow,” Shine said. “I been looking forward to it since the second you said it. And, you know, you love me so you wanna make me happy, right?”

The breath in Shine’s hair was warm, and he could feel Valen’s lips grinning against his scalp. “That I do,” he said.

* * *

The next morning, as the sun rose over the desert, Shine helped Valen drag the mattress from the back of the truck down into the sand, just next to the still-raging campfire where Valen had cooked their breakfast. They left the sheets on, tossed the pillow cases into the center, and stared at the thing, like a modern art piece, rumpled and thoroughly abused and, well, ready. Ready to move onto its final resting place.

The great Mattress Firm in the Sky, Shine had called it. Valen, on the other hand, asserted the only place the ashes of this mattress were going was the dump on their way out of the state. Shine didn’t rightly care. This had been the point of their long drive out here, but it was never _ really _ the point.

While Shine broke out his violin, Valen retrieved the gas can from the back of his truck, and set about dousing the thing. Shine listened gleefully to the slosh and pour of gasoline as he tuned up his instrument, grinning at the realization that there was no need to actually go through with this. Shine was never going to break up with Valen. He never could. Valen was safe from the memories kept in that mattress. 

“Alright,” Valen said from behind him, and Shine turned to see him standing above the mattress with a box of matches in his hand. “I think it’s ready. God help me, Shine, this feels like a terrible idea.”

“Illegal, too,” Shine chirped, and Valen stared as Shine set the violin carelessly against his shoulder.

“It’s what now?”

“You know, this is federal land and all,” Shine said, shrugging. “‘Course it’s illegal to just come out here and burn whatever you want.”

“I thought this was supposed to be a free country,” Valen said.

Shine snorted, and he played a few notes, warming up as he wandered over to the site of the soon-to-be funeral. “Well, yeah, it is. But I ain’t gonna turn us in. Who is? Some bear or something? We’re fine.”

Valen gave him a skeptical look. Shine had to remind himself that this was the same man who didn’t smoke pot because it was ‘illegal’, even in the comfort of his own home. “C’mon, big guy! We drove all this way; it’s already ruined. Let’s light it up, right?”

Glancing down to the mattress, Valen sighed, then looked back to Shine. Fixing a forced, solemn expression on his face, Shine began to play. Taps, by its nature, sounded much better on a trumpet, but this would do.

Valen seemed to find his permission there in Shine’s expression. “I said it last night,” Valen said, taking a match from the box and holding it against its strip. “And I’ll say it again. What have you done to me, Shine?” With that, he struck the match and tossed it in the middle of the mattress, the whole center of it springing into flame like the maw of hell had just opened inside it.

Shine hopped back, laughing, and reached out for Valen, his song forgotten as he held his violin to the side. “Holy shit,” he said, smacking Valen’s arm. “Holy shit!”

Smiling himself, Valen led them a few steps back, then held out the matchbox for Shine. “You want to throw one on?” he asked.

“Do I!” Shine set his instrument gently in the sand at his feet while he took the matchbook from Valen’s hand. 

“We ain’t gonna say anything?” Shine asked as he held the match to the strip. “I think it deserves a few words, right?” 

Valen stared at the mattress burning while Shine lit up his own match, tossing it on the fire. It made no difference. “It was a bed,” Valen said with an air of gravitas. “And I slept on it.” 

Shine snorted, shoving up against Valen and grinning when Valen’s arm came around him, tightening over his shoulder. He reached up to hold Valen’s hand, resisting the urge to wipe the sweat from his brow. God, this thing was hot. “That was beautiful, big guy,” Shine said. 

“Would you care to say a few words? I mean, you hardly knew it.”

“Hardly knew it?” Shine asked, scandalized. “Hardly -- pfft, I tell you what big guy, I will abso _ lutely _ say a few words.” He tossed Valen’s arm off him and approached the fire somewhat cautiously, noticing the fabric burning away to leave only the charred and grasping springs reaching up toward the firey heavens.

“Bed, I didn’t know you long, but I owe you so, so much.” He reached down for his violin, brushed off the dust, and set it back up. Running his bow over the strings, he began to play once again. “Thanks to you, I got my boyfriend to drive me all the way out to this beautiful, barren wasteland. Thanks to you, I had the best sex of my life under the stars.” Behind him, Valen let out a kind of disbelieving huff, but Shine didn’t pay attention. Valen never believed he was the best sex of Shine’s life. “And thanks to you,” Shine continued. “I can buy my man a nice new mattress, and actually be comfortable sleeping over from now on.”

“Wait a minute,” Valen said, “I thought you liked my mattr--”

“ _ Ohhhh _ ,” Shine wailed, playing louder as he turned to Valen. “Gone too soon, this mattress of yours. Good night, sweet Serta.”

Valen was giving him an indulgent look, but there was pride in it, too. Maybe he knew that, while Shine could be the embodiment of drama and exaggeration, he hadn’t been exaggerating  _ all  _ of that eulogy.

Shine continued to play for a long time, until the fire began to fizzle out, leaving only charred metal behind. With those embers and ashes laying at their feet, Shine leaned up against Valen’s shoulder. The sky was beginning to go blue with the rising sun, the smoke had grown black and thick, and somehow Shine felt this was at least as beautiful as the stars had been last night. At least as beautiful as the technicolor sunrise of this morning.

“I love you,” he said, tilting his face against Valen’s chest. Valen seemed to laugh -- but it was a little thing, a laugh of disbelief, or joy, rather than humor.

“I love you too,” Valen replied.

* * *

The payphone booth was scorching, every piece of metal alight with the heat of the desert sun, and Shine had begun to empathize with the charred ashes of their mattress the second he closed the door behind him. Outside, Valen was fueling up the truck, standing with his sleeves rolled up and his hand on the pump, a sheen of sweat on his brow. They’d barely gotten a few miles down the road before realizing they had to stop for gas, but that suited Shine just fine.

He had forgotten to tell a few people that he, uh, might be gone for a few days.

Gingerly, he lifted the hellfire-hot receiver and slotted a few coins into the phone, turning to watch Valen through the dust-streaked glass. 

The phone only rang once before a familiar voice answered.

“Hello,” Martha snapped, as if she really didn’t want to be disturbed, and Shine almost felt guilty for bothering her before realizing he was likely the reason she was stressed in the first place. Which, well, made him feel full-on guilty.

“Martha!” he said cheerily, though his smile already felt strained.

“Shine? Shine! What the  _ fuck _ , Shine!?” Martha snapped. “Where the fuck have you been? I’ve been trying to get in touch with you for _ two days _ . You aren’t at your place, you aren’t at Valen’s, he’s not answering his phone, and --”

“We went on a little road trip,” Shine interrupted, hoping he might be able to stop Martha in her tracks before she made herself hysterical. “Nothing to worry about.”

“ _ Nothing to worry about _ ? Shine you had an interview yesterday with that reporter, remember? And tomorrow you’ve got that meeting with the photographer to talk album covers. This isn’t a good time for a fucking road trip.”

He put a hand to his mouth, admittedly having forgotten about the interview. And the photographer. “Oh,” he said. “Well, in my defense I thought the next thing on my schedule was our meeting Monday.”

“It’s not,” Martha said flatly. “Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving? Where did you go? Where are you now?”

“We’re in Nevada,” Shine said. “We went to Nevada. On our way home now, and --”

“Nevada?!”

Shine rubbed his forehead. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” he said with as much contrition he could muster. It wasn’t much. He’d have missed a thousand meetings for the gifts this trip had given him. “Thing is, we decided we was gonna do it pretty fast, and -- well, pretty late in the day, too, if I’m being honest. Figured it wouldn’t be that long a drive.”

“It’s the other side of the country,” Martha reminded him.

“Yeah, I know that now,” Shine said, laughing. He tried to lean up against the wall of the booth, but the metal stung him. Jumping back up, he turned to regard Valen outside, securing the pump back on its hook. “We’ll be driving straight through so I’ll be home before you know it.”

“What the hell did you go to Nevada for? You aren’t in Vegas are you?” She gasped before Shine even had a chance to answer. “God help me, Shine, tell me you didn’t get some real open minded priest at a drive-in chapel to make it official.” 

“I’m sorry?”

“If you had a commitment ceremony or whatever it is and you didn’t invite me along --”

“No, Martha,” Shine said, waving his hand to stop her as if she might see it. “No, no, no! We ain’t done nothing like that!”

“Then what are you doing in Nevada?” 

“I’d tell ya if you gave me a second,” he said, and Martha sighed on the other end of the line.

“Okay, out with it, Shine.”

“We came out here to fuck,” Shine said, and only realized after it left his lips that, yes, it did sound a little odd.

“I’m sorry, you did what?”

“Well, not just to fuck. See, he was thinkin’ he’d burn his mattress and I thought it sounded like a pretty good idea, so you know. We loaded it in the truck, drove out here, went camping, fucked like it was the end of the world and set the thing on fire. Quick trip, you know.”

“ _ You _ went camping,” Martha said, trying to digest it all. “On … on purpose?”

“Martha,” Shine said, “if you had any idea what I got in exchange, you wouldn’t be surprised, promise. I’m still wobbly from it. Ain’t never been this satisfied in my damn life. I could’a died happy last night, let me tell you.”

“Don’t tell me,” she said, and Shine could imagine she was holding her head in her hand. “I don’t wanna know.”

He smiled, tapping the phone with his fingertips. “Can I tell you something else, then?” he said, and maybe Martha heard in his voice that this had nothing to do with the sex, or at least little to do with the sex.

“Sure?” She said cautiously. 

“He said he loves me, Martha,” Shine said, and out the window of the payphone booth he watched Valen stretching in the sunlight, likely preparing for the long drive ahead. His hair was out and wild, his face prickly from a missed shave. And as Shine watched, their eyes locked across their short distance. 

“Of course he does,” Martha said. “You weren’t -- you  _ knew _ , right?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Shine said, and he wiggled his fingers at his partner out the window. “I knew, but that don’t mean it don’t feel good to hear it. It felt real good to hear it.”

“And you told him back, right?” Martha asked.

“I told him first,” Shine corrected her. “You know how long that’s been sittin’ on my chest?” 

“I’m real happy for you, Shine,” she said. And it sounded like she meant it. “I’m going to kill you when you get back to the city -- just murder you in cold blood, and I hope you know I’m not playing around. But I am happy for you.”

“Me too,” Shine said, ignoring the threat. If he had a dime for every time Martha had threatened to kill him, well, he’d be just a few bucks richer. A few bucks that would’ve mattered at one point in his life.

“So you’re coming straight home, right?”

“Yup,” Shine promised. “Straight home. Unless, you know, we get distracted by some roadside attractions or something. You ever seen the world’s biggest jackalope? They got one stuffed on the Utah border.”

“I bet,” Martha said drily. “Just, gimme a call when you get back, okay? We’ll -- we’ll reschedule things.”

“I’m real sorry I forgot, Martha,” he said. “This  _ guy _ . He just makes me crazy.” 

Martha’s ‘I can’t stay mad at you’ voice was Shine’s favorite thing in the world to hear. “I know, hon. Alright, you have a nice drive. Tell Valen I love him and I’m gonna kill him too.”

“I’ll pass it along,” Shine promised. He made a smooching sound at the receiver, far too nervous of the breath collected on it to kiss it in full, and heard Martha return the gesture. Then, he hung up, and sighed. Whether Martha liked it or not, she’d get a play-by-play of the whole weekend when he got back to the city. But, for now, he had some more memories to make.

Gingerly, he grabbed the handle of the booth’s door and tugged it open fast, hopping out and into the comparatively cooler air. At least there was a breeze. 

He approached as Valen set a hand on the hood of the truck, leaning against it. “Is she mad?” Valen asked. Shine sidled up to him, tugging at the hem of his shirt with a coy little smile. 

“Furious,” he said. “She might actually kill me this time.”

“Ah, you know I won’t let her do that,” Valen said, bringing a hand to Shine’s cheek.

“Yeah, well, she’s gonna kill you, too, so I guess we’re both outta luck.” Valen smiled and leaned down, planting a soft, chaste kiss on Shine’s lips. They were out of view of the station, blessedly, but Shine doubted the old man behind the counter would notice or care that anyone was around, let alone a couple of queers in love in the desert. 

When they pulled away, Shine tugged Valen’s shirt again. “Alright, let’s get home,” he said. Except, looking into Valen’s eyes, he realized he already was. Home, that is. It didn’t matter where the fuck they were. At a sketchy gas station in the middle of Nevada, in Shine’s loft, in Valen’s studio, in the middle of outer space. It didn’t matter, did it? 

He didn’t know it was possible to find home in a person, but here he was. Here  _ they  _ were.

And he’d never been happier.


End file.
